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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

REFLECTIONS ON CHRISTMAS PAST - CHRISTMAS ENVY published by Women's Voices For Change 12/21/15




When the air turned brisk and sharp in December and the

drab streets of Washington Heights suddenly blossomed

with color and lights, my imagination sparked. An

adolescent girl growing up within blocks of an ornate RKO

movie theater showing double features, serials, along with

cartoons; a kosher delicatessen for our Tuesday and

Thursday take-out dinners, when my hardworking father

was still “downtown” clocking overtime; a wondrous Horn

& Hardart cafeteria where for a couple of nickels you could

choose your meal through twirling windows giving you a

visual taste of what you would soon “bite into”; a Nedick’s

hot dog stand where one could sit tall on stools - a castle

perched on the corner of 181st Street and Broadway -

where my father's sly warning that the “dirt” of the

frankfurters gave them that special delicious flavor; and

mid- block was F.W. Woolworth's Department Store, the

culmination of my seasonal fantasies - where every

Christmas I could again marvel at “The Tree" “ decorated

with glass ornaments, dazzling bulbs blinking on and off,

awarding my eyes a retinal feast.


My family celebrated Chanukah but it was different. We

too had lights in a stately menorah with candles of a single

color, never glowing or twinkling, but the menorah did not

subsume me with the magic of the Woolworth's towering

tree, which could set my heart to racing in rapture and

generate feelings of entering uncharted magical terrains.

There was something beige and dry about our family’s

celebration - receiving presents was exciting, but usually

handed out “bare”, without being wrapped up in elegant

boxes with designs of Santa encased in red and green

ribbons which like curls would wrap themselves around my

fingers.


My twin sister Florence and I sat cross-legged, our long

braids sweeping the hallway floor, engrossed in playing

“spin the dreidel “ (a gambling, top-like toy) the goal being

to accumulate a prize of walnuts which were later traded in

to the adults for pennies; we were waiting - not for Santa

or looking skywards at reindeer flying over Apartment 1B

on 180th Street, but anticipating which of us would came

out on top and win the game and a possible jackpot of

coins. Aromas of familiar foods, hot apple pie made with

butter and cream cheese rich enough to cause bedtime

stomach aches, permeated the warm and peaceful space

- a welcome respite from the anxieties and nervous

tensions that that so often filled our lives.


 My parents were German Jewish refugees having immigrated to the United

States, fleeing Hitler's Nazi Germany to build a new life in

New York City. For much of our childhood, news of the

death of family members including our paternal

grandmother and grandfather took its toll on the family

psyche; the palpable sadness of loss was constant.

It seemed to me that practically everyone in my Upper

Manhattan community celebrated Christmas. Buildings

and walls awash with decorations; the perpetual music in

the air filling my childhood head with fanciful spectacles. I

remember skipping down the street, curious to glance onto

the grounds of one of the more rustic neighborhood

churches, the one with the high beautifully designed gates

surrounding its premises, inviting but also denying

entrance - where I saw a manger with “baby Jesus”

surrounded by hay and living, breathing baby goats - the

smell and grunts of another universe just out of reach.


Today years later, as the November autumn days wane,

the sun settling earlier, I begin to see deflated plastic

snowmen and Santa Clauses lying on suburban lawns

waiting to be blown up, an indication of the season to

come. I still look forward to the wonder of Christmas when

people open their hearts to nostalgia, the joy of giving and

to the dusty memories of prior observances - merry or

solemn. Trees for sale at street corners, filling up empty

lots - all ready to be dressed up. Still I have never seen a

tree - whether at Rockefeller Center or The White House,

that can compare to the ones that a New York City "five

and dime" store on 181st Street, just off Broadway erected

for Christmas, covered with glittering baubles, and flakes

of snow, with the height and mass of a mountain crowned

by a brilliant golden star - a tree that tapped into a child’s

hunger for inspiration and enchantment.

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